CMR

Los Angeles - Last night on Dancing With the Stars, the couples were dancing either the paso doble or the Viennese waltz, but it was pretty obvious who was dancing what by the amount of boobage the ladies were (or weren’t) showing.

First up, Kristi and Mark. Their paso was sharp and intense, a little too much so, for my taste. It was technically perfect, but there was something lacking in the emotion department. Plus, Mark makes that angry face in almost every dance, so I’m not really buying it anymore. But clearly, what do I know? The judges gave them two 10s and a nine, for a total of 29 out of 30.

Priscilla and Louis’ waltz was up next and I actually liked it a lot. It was dramatic and dreamy and I ate it up. It was the first dance of theirs that I truly enjoyed. But again, what do I know? The judges didn’t dig it and they received a 22.

Adam and Julianne followed with the paso doble, and it started out a little flamenco-like, with Julianne doing a little solo… before Adam rolled in on his unicycle, looking like Zorro, the Gay Blade. Sigh. I wish I were joking. The worst part? Him on a unicycle, twirling with Julianne, was better than when he got off the prop and actually used his two left feet to dance. I love Adam; I think he’s a riot, but I was cringing the entire time. He’s lucky he’s funny, and the judges enjoy him, because the 19 they earned was more than generous.

Marlee and Fabian danced the waltz and their goal this week was to break away from the middle of the pack. Their dance was beautiful, elegant and romantic, and it was enough to move Carrie Ann to tears, but it still wasn’t enough to get them more than 24.

Karina and Mario were determined to improve from last week’s shoddy performance, and it was obvious that they practiced a lot more this week. They matched Marlee and Fabian with a 24.

Only Edyta can make a Viennese waltz look sexy. Damn her! Her dance with Jason was beautiful and sensual, without being inappropriate. And even though he stumbled at one point, the judges forgave him because their performance earned them 29.

During Cristián and Cheryl’s paso doble, Cris grunted a lot. Yup, grunted. Like Monica Seles serving an ace in a grand slam grunting. It was dramatic and angry, and the judges loved it. They received a total of 26.

Shannon and Derek’s waltz followed, and it was alarming to witness how serious Derek’s neck injury really was last week. Jonathan had to fill in for a frustrated Derek during the practice sessions, and Shannon thought he was working too much. But their performance was beautiful, absolutely stunning. He must’ve been so doped up on painkillers because if he was suffering in any way, it didn’t show. Len gave it a 10, and their total for the night was a 28.

The last dance of the night was Marissa and Tony’s paso, and finally, Tony choreographed an actual routine for her. Her movements were sharp and she kept the intensity on her face the entire time. Easily their best dance of the competition so far, and the two earned a 24.

As far as the scores go, tonight should be the last time we see Adam and Julianne on the dance floor. But he’s a funny enough guy that he may just have the votes. I suppose the only other couples in danger may be Priscilla and Louis, and perhaps Mario and Karina.